Saturday, February 18, 2012

Should have, Would have, Could have...

How do I know this is true?

I find of late, that I am not alone in this.  I may function a bit differently, but what is true for me is true generally of all people.  Thousands of times a day (perhaps) whether aware of it or not, our brains have the "job" of interpreting new information.  The major way it does this is by comparing the new data to all its previous "experience."  You might call this a judgement call.

Driving down the busy 405 freeway, and someone cuts me off...I think (and sometimes my shout in my car) "they shouldn't have done that", "they're not 'supposed' to cut me off," "they should be better drivers."  It begs the question though, is this true? Would have, could have, should have, ad infinitum... "She shouldn't leave the cap off the toothpaste," "he shouldn't leave the seat up"...on and on and on.

I suppose that we continue to make changes in our lives, we continue to make improvements, comforts, what works for us, fine, but we make ourselves miserable by not minding our own business.  I love what Byron Katie says, "there's my business, your business, and God's business."  All too often we forget this and spend our time in someone elses business, or in God's.  Katie likens what is called "God" to reality, simply put, the way things are.

I suppose, disability or not, I'm not really all that different than others, especially in this regard.  Michael J. Fox is also known to have said: “I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reachfor; perfection is god’s business.”  I really love this. We can all strive for excellence, regardless of who we are.  

Justa Guy, well he can excel at being himself, you can excel at being yourself.  What use is it to believe someone should be other than they are, other than the way they "show up?"

I've often cited the arrogance of "praying to God" that my football team would win, etc...Without  doubt I know that God/Truth/Reality is intimately involved in our lives, none whatsoever.  But along with this, I also know that God Is perfection, not my idea of perfection.  Now, if I were going to pray something, I'd pray that I'd be the best football player (if that is what I was) that I could be.

I have come to the understanding that (metaphorically) our lives are a ship/boat traversing the Seas of Life.  No matter what we do,  this Ocean, this Sea of Life, has its own currents, eddies, waves, the Wind will blow where it will.  

Notwithstanding, our ship has a rudder, which we can continually (actually we do always, whether we acknowledge it or not) steer on the Ocean and through the Winds and Currents that seem to surround and direct us.  We can, sometimes avoid rocks, we can, for the most part direct our ship within the constrains of the world around us.  We can even discover the Lost Island of Jewels, the Lost Paradise within.  

If we insist that our ship go west, but the Wind and Current of Life take us east, what is the sense in jumping up and down with a tantrum that it not "go our way?"  Of course some might call this naive, simplistic, powerless, but that isn't my experience at all.  On the contrary, I spent most of my adult life fighting the Wind and the Current, insisting that "I must not even have a rudder at all", in the face of all evidence to the contrary.  And when one learns how to begin to operate their rudder for the first time, one realizes that it had been whipping back and forth in the waves out of control, simply and only because I believed it so, but even that believing was operating the rudder, and steering me into further misery and suffering.

Imagine the excitement, for the first time, with your hand on the rudder, pushing it this way, and you go that way, pulling it that way to go this.  There is tremendous joy, peace, acknowledgement of responsibility, and that for which I am not responsible nor in control over.  The Waves, the Current, the Wind...well...that's God's business, but what I choose to do with it is my own.

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