There is a common human trait that I have seen in school and real life. People read something, and they self identify because they are seeking answers. On the other hand there are times in everyone's life where they read something, almost as if they themselves wrote it, but could never "find the words" to express it.
I find myself having the later experience, in regards to a work referred to in an earlier post in regards to the writings of Thomas E. Brown Ph.D., specifically his book " Attention Deficit Disorder - The unfocused mind in chidren and adults. " In chapter 6: "Adulthood: Managing Reponsibilities, Finding a Niche" he says:
" The young man's comment "I've always had difficulty making choices" reflects a problem with "omnipotentiality"- a fantasy based attitude, common among adolescents, that all things are possible, all choices are open. Usually this attitude is dispelled during mid-to late adolescence as most individuals are forced to confront the reality that some doors are not open to them....With a persisting sense of omnipotentiality, they experience themselves as being on a protracted shopping trip for life options-interested in multiple possibilities, but unable to invest in any one choice enough to put up with the inevitable frustrations of getting started and becoming established... "
He goes on to explain how those individuals with executive function (EF) disorders (like AgCC and ADHD) take longer to resolve this conflict, and that for some it remains a lifelong dysfunction. He mentions that those of us with EF disorder carry this onto adulthood in some predictable ways. I was particularly struck that he mentioned many of us have had (myself included) dozens of jobs, in the space where the average person may have had just a few...that we have this difficulty with the organizational aspect of "what will it take for this long term goal" and lacking the skills to plan for this, we quickly become frustrated, moving on to yet another possibility, and never settling for just one "future focus" (my term.)
There is yet another aspect to this particular presentation of EF dysfunction. While we are on a particular "track", we can see no other track than that which we are traveling on, so to speak, and when confronted, can become frustrated, angry, and not understand when others point out to us that the particular track we might be on may not succeed. We all know the experience of putting our hand into a flame for the first time, we learn not to do it again...on many levels this isn't so for those of us with collosul disorder and/or ADHD.
My life is currently and happily engaged in the love and support of my dear friend whom I mention in other posts. This is significant in many ways...She has helped and supported my coming forth out of the cocoon, my coming into a fullness of my real possibilities and growth, unlike almost anyone else I'd ever known. In her time of need as she fights this courageous battle with cancer, I have the opportunity, in some small way of returning the love, as if that were really possible. There is nowhere else in life I would rather be. Pain is a given, suffering is optional. As I watch my dearest friend in these days, I'm still learning from her moment by moment. I only hope that when my time comes to face my own eventual demise that I face it with the brilliance, faith, strength and hope that she is demonstrating to me even now.