Friday, March 2, 2012

T.A.R.D.I.S. and Discovery of Person...

Time and Relative Dimension in Space...A reference to Dr. Who (British Sci-Fi)...

While it may be an unfamiliar point of reference to some of you that think sci-fi is just YUK, be assured that this post really isn't about that.  I'm just intrigued with how the concept actually measure up to reality...yours, mine, and our reality...let me explain:

In the T.V. Dr Who (very relevant name for the character, as one quickly discover if one follows the series) is a time traveling alien, who seems also inextricably tied to Earth and the Human race...and loves bow ties and suspenders!  Well...

Throughout the long 48 year history he partners with (mostly) human companions, traveling time and space, and getting into all kind of trouble.   He does this by means of the TT Type 40, Mark 3 T.A.R.D.I.S. which in his time and childhood was already a museum piece that he stole and took for a joyride. (It comes out later that the T.A.R.D.I.S. really stole him, but that's another story entirely.)

While visiting London in 1963, the T.A.R.D.I.S. had a glitch, in its "chameleon" circuit (that which makes it hide and blend in with the time and place where it "exists," and so throughout the series is stuck in this form...I digress...

In watching the series we learn that it stands for "Time and Relative Dimension in Space."  And the first, most mind assaulting thing to anyone who ventures inside it with the Dr...they discover that this tiny little blue box, police box, is "bigger on the inside," not only that, but it can change, move around delete the rooms and rebuild them inside itself...hence where I am going with this...the metaphor for the human person itself. We learn, later on that the T.A.R.D.I.S. is actually an "artificially created separate dimension within space and time."  In the last season, we also learn that it is actually not even the structure (or machine) but that at its heart the machine contains a living consciousness the Time Vortex itself as a self conscious entity, in one episode the Tardis, who is actually in love with the Dr., is forced out of the machine and she temporarily takes up the body of a human woman...and oddly enough, the first thing that the Time Vortex experiences, is that "these tiny little bodies, they appear much bigger on the inside."

More and more, in every day of my life, I myself am realizing that the structure, forms, restrictions we give ourselves, while maintaining the "I" we know ourselves to be, can, and does at the same time limit the knowledge of who we really are.  The yes's and no's, forms, structures and beliefs we have, are there to serve us, yet we often end up slaves of the very thing that maintains our lives.  If we don't ever actually question these things, if we believe them without testing them, we never know that we are not the machine, the body, the mind, the emotions, rather we are That timeless, spaceless entity at its center, without which none of the other has any concrete existence.

Can you know, can you actually identify in memory (your own), a time when you didn't exist?  i.e., can you, as you imagine a time before you were born?  And, in the same, you, as you know yourself... can you imagine a time when you as you will no longer exist?  Without delving into beliefs, structures, and what we are "told", we might find this an absurd possibility.  Such points to the immutability of "I" (beyond personality, I "Joe", I "Mary", I "George" and the like.)

Now, bringing this full Circle...

The Tardis...well its a metaphor of who or what we really are.  There are no mistakes in life, and we play out the role exactly as we are meant to, yet we think we are a box with rooms, times places, memories, "things"...and all this does indeed have its place, there's no denying it.  But we, I, forget, that we are "so much bigger on the inside", that the outside is simply and only transient, temporary, bound by time, space, life experience and the such.

I have so very many wonderful peoples in my life, in recent days meeting even more...and this metaphor speaks to me so deeply of the plight I myself have created...and while it is pertinent, (I think) most especially to those who identify as "disabled", it is really the plight of human life.

I am coming to realize, that I do not need to know anything more "about" my disability...that in fact, I have been, and continue to be most intimately familiar with it, in ways that no doctor, therapist, guide, counselor or coach can ever tell me...yet, where I am lacking, and where we all can "loose it" is directly related to the long introduction to the Tardis that I mention above.

I have always thought of myself as a "disabled person."  And while this is not entirely inaccurate, it is misguided, misunderstood.  I am coming to the knowledge that this can be a common occurrence for  those of us identified with this label.  I in fact, am first and foremost a human person...I may not do, or be able to do things as others do them...but in reality this is not untrue for any human being that has ever lived.

First, I am a person.  You are a human person.  Yet, living in today's society, either through social identification and perhaps no fault of our own, we train ourselves  to think "I am a disabled person."  This is a lie.  It is a lie in the sense that all creatures are endowed with gifts and limitations...We received mixed messages, from parents, from the world, but most importantly from ourselves.

We have forgotten our personhood.  At the very least, speaking for myself, I know this be truth. I've allowed myself to be so distracted, by what I'm not, and that which the world in their failed expectation says I should be that I largely have forgotten, perhaps never even really known and evoked from within that which I am, and become that which I know I can be.  To be certain, in asking oneself "who am I?" it is not the "pretty answer" that we want it to be, that will necessarily please others nor easily be explained away in words...rather it exists in the still, small, quite place, that is "bigger on the inside."

That one, has no limitation, nor does it, can it be described in words...But it can be trusted, expected, allowed to blossom and flourish in and as "Joseph", "Mary", "John", "Troya", "George" etc... And as such it Is not a thing, but it Is a process, one without beginning, and most certainly one that will never end.

I've always been one for many words, trying to describe this which defies description.  I'd like to share the words of Natasha Bedingfield, that in my heart describe all of have written far more beautiful and precise than I ever could:

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhabitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
~Just Joe

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