Thursday, April 19, 2012

Spirituality and AgCC...the many faces of the One

So, while I've touched on this subject before I've tried my darnedest to tread gently.  I know spirituality and religion can be a sore point for many people.  I'm different in that way though, and I can attribute the difference in large part to aspects of my AgCC.  Honestly it is this aspect of my life that has given me the most depth, most room for growth and change.

One of the characteristics of AgCC born folk, as I've mentioned in the past is rigidity in thinking.  You might even say thinking, believing, "knowing" etc... How this has played out in my own life is rather interesting.  Since my earliest days I have had an innate knowledge, I guess one could say, of the Unity, of the Love and Truth that under girds and sustains all things.  Where I'd had issues for many decades was in my trying to find an intellectual expression of this, a "black and white" explanation of something that I inherently lack the language to express to others.  These days in my life, I've had a profound resolution in this area, yet not in the way you might think.

I've talked to quite a few adults and some children with AgCC and it is definitely true, without the corpus callosum we tend to be very black and white about things.  Regarding spirituality and religion we tend to gravitate towards, perhaps not extreme expressions of faith and morals, rather very one sided.  We often create very painful conflicts for ourselves when our expectations of consistency in matters of faith conflict with the reality around us.  Also, as an aside, we are far more likely to be victims of sexual and emotional abuse, as we lack the necessary social judgment regarding boundaries and appropriateness etc...

In my own life, I remember very, very early...that I was seeking that type of "answer" for myself.  I was an intelligent and precocious child, my parents had me baptized as in infant in the Episcopal Church.  I can remember even then, that "religion" such that it was seemed to hold an answer for me, yet the conflict of the reality of my life never allowed me to find a "safe haven" thought, faith, belief etc...I was also one of the many children with (and without) AgCC that fell victim of sexual abuse at a very young age.   There was so much conflict in my life, not to mention at puberty my attractions were clearly for the same gender and not for women.

My parents were, for the most part loving and supportive, if not understanding of my exploits and investigation into the spiritual nature.  Over the years of my childhood, I explore my native, if nominal Christianity, and, it's not so much that I found it innacurate, but I found it lacking.  Years since, I've deeply investigated many different religious and spiritual expressions from all over this planet.  Within each, finding unplumbable  depth and irrelevantly narrow thinking.  Its as if the Creator stood before a mirror which represents all we can see and know...somehow, this mirror is (or appears) shattered on the ground laying before the Creator...shards of glass thrown every which way...each still reflects the One Creative Personality the Adipuruush to anglicize a Sanskrit term...but each does so not "imperfectly" but from their own unique perspectives and positions.  All possible thoughts that intelligent beings will ever have are these very shards of glass that reflect from a personal perspective, it fully knows it, but its expression is bound to the individuals perception of It.

I instinctively understood this from a very young age, but with my disability, the rigid black and white thinking, my thoughts told me over and again that one of these shards of glass must be "the" most accurate, correct, untainted shard of glass.  Each expression of spirituality, politic, religion, thought, philosophy, my little brain would take and make an abolute truth.  The irony of this is that, in my understanding, all knowable "truth" is subject to the conditions surrounding the one who knows it...in short, all revealed, known, sensed, perceived "truth" is the relative perspective of a shard of glass, not inaccurate nor incorrect, but relative, limited, bound to circumstance and perspective...but it is not so with Truth.

The idea of infallible Truth, at least that which can be communicated with language, is patently absurd to me now...and again, I include all forms of knowledge, science, mathematics, history, politics, religion, law...It is not that I think any or all of these are invalid and useless, no, my view is far from that.  Each realm or domain of knowledge excels in communicating a particular perspective.  And its use and relevance is tied to those conditions, but perfectly.  Take Bereshit, or the "Book of Genesis" for example...fundamentalists of all ilk destroy the spiritual power of a historic and religious document like this, by insisting it is portraying scientific truth.  It is most certainly communicating ancient truths, very (awesomely) powerful ones, but the early Christians, Jews, and their predecessors did not take this  treatise as a scientific teaching...they understood the domains of knowledge...that while they could and sometimes did cross over this is not always the case, they excel and telling a specific view of Truth, but cannot address it directly as such.

To watch this battle play out in my brain, in my thoughts and in the mind, and particularly now that between excellent medical care and treatment...I have this unique perspective...I see, and work with this disordered thought process in myself, true, but I see it reflected in everything going on around me...in invective politics in this country, its mixture with our beliefs both religious and scientific....we all seem to be fighting saying "I have the answer, yours is mistaken..." not being able to see and benefit from what I refer to as the Relative Rainbow.  The rainbow is a sign of a covenant between God and mankind...  Consciousness Itself seeking out all possible expressions of Itself.

So, I "allow" this rigid thinking now, working with it, in retrospect...but I recognize that it is what my brain is doing, and I am not my brain...can I make a different choice?

Can we make a different choice?  Can we not point out (only) our differences?  Can we benefit from the rich variety of experiences of peoples of all kinds, thoughts, persuasions?  Is not every moment in our existence at teachable moment?

~Just Joe

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