Friday, January 11, 2013

Yours, Mine, and God's Business...

In Guru Nanak's ideal there is the concept of God's Hukam.  The world translates as God's "command", but really it encompasses a concept far deeper than noticed at first glance.

Guru teaches that God is the only "doer..."  While we have our free will, relative to our life and society, even that, in the very personal perception of it, is a shadow of the Great Will that is behind and part of everything in creation.  In one sense our surrendering to it (if that were even really possible, it "is" regardless), we find peace beyond understanding.

You might wonder, how am I going to tie this into an ACC blog, well, lemme tell ya'...

The title of this post is "Yours, Mine and God's Business" and is taken from the Work as brought forth by Byron Katie.  Put simply, there is "your" business, "my" business, and "God's" business.  We humans, other-abled, "disabled" or "not" all have a preoccupation with "your" business and "God's" business, which is at the root of our suffering, our anxiety, our malaise and discomfort at the center of our Soul.

Even up to this very moment, the mind and thoughts and feelings of others, while not always, can be quite daunting and hard to grasp for me.  With my ACC I have a great deal of difficulty with social communications beyond a point.  I have been "trained well", i.e., I've "learned" how to respond in social situations, (only through the school of hard knocks, mind you, not through an actual gestalt or holistic understanding), and I'm also quite good at gaining rapport, quickly and completely with people...but don't know what to do with them, once they are in my "inner circle" so to speak.

One of the ways I have tried to deal with this in my life (not all that successfully, mind you) is to obsess and imagine what people must be doing, thinking (about me), and how they are responding.  With my symptoms I am deeply right brain dominant, even fMRI shows this to be true.  With my faulty working memory (the very shortest of short term memory, the "swap" memory of the mental process), often my brain will manufacture solutions, thoughts, memories, entire trains of thought that are not based in the physical world.  To be certain, everyone, every human ever born does this...however with a Corpus Callosum they are far more capable of sorting out their "internal world" from the "external world," than I.

 We drive on the highway, someone cuts us off, and the thought that bubbles up, "you bastard, why are you doing that to me, you are so "________" and "______." They shouldn't have done "_____," "____" shouldn't have happened."

Yet, do we ever stop to ask "do I know that this is true?"  Are we in that person's head who cut us off?  Do we know what they are thinking?  Furthermore, "this shouldn't have happened."  Do we really believe that the universe conspired to cut us off on the 405, or even that person?  Did they sit there and plot how they were going to piss us off by cutting us off in traffic?

These are everyday examples of everyday people.  If you want a glimpse in what it is like to live as me, Anandagurudasa Singh (Joseph) Galbraith, whatever...multiply the above times 1,000.  Imagine if you imagination were allowed to run, and you had little or no way of correlating external events with it at all, even if such did really exist....the story of my life.

God's business, your business, my business.  The only (ultimately) thing that I have any control over (or seem to, at any rate) is my business.  And, (I know, don't start a sentence with and,) what is that business you might ask?  It is simple, what is my response in any given situation?  Our personality, our body mind, is a great boat, a great ship given to us by/through/as God to navigate this world.  We have oars, and we have the rudder of our own will and desire, but ultimately, we still have to be fully aware that the Ocean will take us where it wants to, and we have to direct our ship within that reality.  However, sitting there bitching about the wind and waves about how they should be other than what they are; is nothing but unproductive, and worse self sabotaging.  

I've brought my own social circle down to those few that we share mutual love, understanding, desires and the like...the best I can do with my rudder. This is Guru's Hukam for me, that I live out this body and personality and neurology that I have been given.  Accepting this gratefully, has brought me such long lasting peace and comfort, in my own skin.

Funny that for someone who is largely socially challenged, this life experience has driven me deeply into introspection on human behavior, albeit seen from a perspective that would be utterly foreign to most.  While my world is smaller, it has expanded exponentially.  Learning the difference and balance between, my oars and rudder, the the Waves of the Ocean, and their similarity.  Every day, pushing my own boundaries, just a bit, so I can educate the world what it's like to live like me (and many of you) with ACC.

_/\__ <3

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