Saturday, July 20, 2013

I tweak one little thing and the whole house of cards comes falling down...

Habits, daily things we have to do to maintain a good life, healthy body, etc can actually be quite a bit challenge for me.  It is not that I am in any way incapable (mechanically) to perform tasks...this is not at issue.  Where I have difficulties is in planning and follow through, and also consistency.

When it comes to performing tasks like vacuuming, cleaning, arranging, laundry, knowing reasonably how much food to buy when I go to the grocery store and plan meals, brushing my teeth, bodily hygiene, I am quite capable of all of this, however my ability to do so consistently without guidance practically does not exist.

In the psychological and professional world there is a process called "modelling" which refers to  a general process in which persons serve as models for others, exhibiting the behavior to be imitated by the others.  This process is most commonly discussed with respect to children in developmental psychology.  When I have someone tandem performing tasks I can learn a habit well.  At issue though is it is also by far the best method of reinforcement of a habit for me, and and cannot always have someone there (at least in my experience.)

I have clearly qualified medically for IHS and this is a game changer for me.  This amounts to having someone there to help me with my least consistent, but arguably most important ADLS, like cleaning and maintaining the kitchen and bathrooms, and general cleaning, helping me go to appointments (even when I drive, I cannot navigate a "charged" situation all that well, I'm better these days, but it is still at issue.)  What this enables me to do is surround myself with supportive individuals and services, to care for the areas I need help in, so that I can thrive.

I have already written in some detail about my forming a non-profit to benefit those born with a collosul condition (AgCC and partial AgCC), that is coming back on the front burner now.  A dear friend and I are considering a Jamming business (as in jarring, preserves, pickling, curds, a not for profit, that actually benefits several non profits dear to us.

I am getting further in authoring a book about my life, my ACC, and much more.  I am surrounded with people who will help me maintain focus on where I want to go, as well as where I am and have always been!

There is quite a bit more that will be shifted to the front burners in a steps...

This entire thing about habits is infuriating sometimes. I'll have learned a habit well, an ADL for example, like washing the dishes...and do it regularly for many weeks, then all of the sudden something causes a disconnect...and I often find at that time I can focus on another ADL that I wasn't doing consistently, like vacuuming and cleaning surfaces...etc...  It is as if there is a disconnect between my (clear) intention to do something, and it's follow through, and or completion, before my mind stream is on something else.

This is my own take, but my friend I'll call "S" understands this.

The stream of consciousness, literally the  subconscious dialog going on in your thoughts, is, for most people just below the surface, we all mumble to our-self for example, and those are often expressions of the dialogue in our heads.  The power of free association and imagination ** never  shuts off ** for me...ACC is different for everyone, so they might have a different experience, but this is mine.  Not only does it not shut off, but is constantly using imagination to fill in the blanks of what I'm not picking up via social cues and the like...and this amounts to some really undesirable situations in life...blech...

My lifelong interest in and practice of meditation has helped me in ways that I cannot language...  One cannot shut off the dialogue, ( no, not even the neuro-typical, although they are barely aware of it consciously) however a side effect of meditation is the actual understanding, the grocking, the gestalt that is "I am not this mind, nor this body."  The side-effect of that is being able to become deeply relaxed, the mind slows down of it's own and "we" (who are not the mind or the body) simply witness it...fear, anxiety, depression, obsession, whatever are lessened to a great degree, if not simply eliminated in some rare ones.

It is only by Grace that I am who and what and where I am...

Making a difference in the world, one soul at a time _/|\_

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