Saturday, October 25, 2014

Letting Go & Moving Forwards...Adults with ACC

While I can't speak for everyone that has ACC or ASD, I know I have  a great deal of difficulty letting go and moving on.  If I feel that I have been slighted, abused, or misunderstood, I hold a grudge.  I might not do so openly, but I have learned over the years to not trust people.  Trust is really hard gotten with me.

I have a great deal of difficulty forgiving and forgetting the way my parents handled (or rather didn't handle) my disabilities.  To this very day, they refuse even scientific/medical fact, and style me a monster.  Granted, I don't know the stories of all adult ACCers (those diagnosed in later life) but I have talked to enough to know that I am not alone in this.

My mother and father tried with great effort in my youth to help me, but reaching the age of 13 was another story altogether.  Around the age of 13 the Corpus Callosum in an NT begins to function and speed up function for the first time.  If, like me you are born without your CC, then you are seen to lag behind your peers.  It is the age that if deeply affected by ACC all of the symptoms start "pouring out."  From the age of 13 my parents radically changed how they treated me, my father becoming the bully that would never let up, my mother all but giving up on me.  I was taken out of "normal" school and put in the Archie F Hay Village School for the Emotionally Disturbed.  I don't have to tell you, I despise that title, they lumped us all together in one group and labeled us.  Today the "emotionally disturbed" is dropped and the Village school is known for its work with the developmentally disabled.

I have tremendous difficulty letting go of the anger and disappointment that I feel towards my parents.  Much of it is absolutely justified, but I'm certain some of it is not, or at the least is overrated.  Sadly this is the very thing that they themselves cannot do, they cannot let go of the past, refuse even medical proof of my Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum and co-morbid disorders.  So, I don't do the best job of it, but I try my hardest to take the high road.  I try to understand that they are a product of the generation they were reared in...but I don't always do a good job of it.

It turns out, many adult ACCers diagnosed later in life have a similar if not identical life story to mine, that I am not alone.  It took me years to learn and realize that my parents behavior was as abnormal as my own was.  Thing is, I was a child, and they the parent, so I feel they should have known better.  I'm a 52 year old man, whose parents are very aged, and likely will die soon in coming years...and I'll grow old not knowing my parents for well over 20 years.  And this literally breaks my heart in two.

This was more of a personal post, a venting, rather than my (usually) informative posts, so I pray you will forgive my digression into this, but it weighs heavily on my heart at this time.

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